Christmas cheer?

What should I do?
Customary round robin - although it's not customary for me.
Send lots of paper cards - stopped really doing that a number of years ago; and it's environmentally challenging.
Blast an email or post on facebook wishing all and sundry the same simplistic Yuletide Yahoos?

Well, I have plumped for a slightly less impersonal but easier to disseminate blog update.

Now that I've established the medium, what about the content?

Should I rant on about what a wondrous year it's been?
Reel off ad nauseum the number cities and other places I've set a tick against this year?
Tell the readers to distraction how lucky I am to be who I am and where I am and what I am doing?

No, no, no.

That would be tiresome enough for me to type, let alone for you to plough your way through.  I think I'll make myself a cup of tea and hope for inspiration.

***

I'm back, having spilled the demerara sugar all over the work counter. 

I have had a "problem" with ants all year long and only recently managed to keep them at bay with more thorough washing down of my work surfaces, using the dishwasher more and keeping a tight lid on sugar and honey containers.

Then I go and advertise my sucrose abundance for all sugar-loving insects to wiggle their antennae at.  Sigh.

Well it's cleaned up now & hopefully my mince pies will remain vermin-free.

What did I go to the kitchen for?

Ah, yes inspiration.

Not sure I found that - but the perspiration definitely started.

And this on top of leaving the flat without my keys this morning, verbal fisticuffs with my bank about verifying my identity, wine being delivered to the wrong place, and a thumping headache from indulgence the night before.

I ought to be humming Deck the Halls or something but find myself rendering Gloria Gaynor miffed hoping I Will Survive.

Now the man below has started drilling.  DRILLING on Christmas Eve - what the eff is he drilling for!?  Installing a coat hook for Santa's gown?  Putting up a hook to dangle his devilish pentacle on?  Oh, honestly I give up.

Bah humbug....I'm a Christian, get me out of here.

***

Let's start again.

I *have* had a good year.  There have been the usual tribulations and a few zeniths to counterpoint a sprinkling of nadirs.  Let's see if I can get a calendar filled:

January saw a fab New Year at Forlino's with friends and a fleeting romance.  Then a cold birthday in Montreal and New York.

February had me rush back to Maryport to visit my grandmother in hospital.

March took me back to say goodbye to her - and remember her wicked sense of humour and the love she showed me.

April roared with beasts on safari in Kruger, South Africa, we slurped wine in Franschoek, gobbled down zebra in Cape Town and basked in the wonderful sunshine of Camps Bay.

May turned pink in Singapore and I had the worst ever reaction to cat fur...yuk!

June led me to a bar and a man.

July allowed me, thanks to subsiding ash clouds, to zip to Reykjavik with a good friend: rocks, raw nature, thermal springs and a reindeer pelt.

August opened up Manila in a whole new way for me - a surprising realisation of a city with more to offer than you might initially think.

September saw birthday coffee and cake, a Filipino wedding, and a volcano through the mist in Tagaytay.

October had my parents visit Singapore - yes, the entire month - but they're so low maintenance it's unreal.  Also, managed a *weekend* in London - yes a weekend ;-)

November bestowed a work trip to Bali on me - how cool is that?!

December took me to Hong Kong and my heart on a new journey.  Christmas in Singapore, New Year planned for Sydney and spending lots of time with friends and several glasses of plonk.

Well, I've done what I set out NOT to do.  Round robin it is....!

Hope you enjoyed the 2010 - as much as I did.

Here's hoping that 2011 will be tremendous.

A few pics below (also 12 of them) which almost match the events above.

D

Wishing you a splendid Yuletide filled with love and peace.

Of puppets & boot polish

I've been holed up over the last couple of days with a relatively mild bout of flu.

And while (naturally) I've been convalescing, there is always energy to type a few search mnemonics to keep the mind occupied.

I was thus tempted and ultimately intrigued to find some delightful memories of my teenage years and before on YouTube.  Do you remember Spitting Image?  I was once again engrossed in the lampooning of everyone from Margaret Thatcher, Neil Kinnock and Emelda Marcos, to some of the perhaps less offensive faces from the 80s, including Andrew Lloyd Webber and Desmond Tutu.

I smiled to hear the Chicken Song and equally nostalgic about I've Never Met a Nice South African.  They were great skits indeed.



Another childhood memory was stirred by The Black and White Minstrels.
This was a classic BBC masterpiece that ironically had white men black themselves up and then serenade white women.  All kinds of dancing and singing had white girls fawning and ultimately (symbolically of course) fornicating with the boot-polish clad young white/black men. 

Forget the PC-vomiting middle classes' views on this - I find it great forward-ahead-of-its-time support for inter-racial relationships - or am I being a tad myopically revisionist?!  No replies needed on that - my tongue if firmly wedged in my cheek.

Will leave you with a single link and you can YouTube search the rest.  This link combines the above two memories with a splendid rendition of the Black and White Minstrels as the South African Apartheid government of PW Botha and nicely-done white on white mocking of the regime back then.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_eSUQgLZXg

And remember only a few days left til Christmas...mine certainly won't be white - but I'm hoping it won't be too black either.  Keeping my chin up.

Keep yours up too.

Management fees? Agentic forces amok....

I have the grave misfortune to have one of my properties managed by a company called HML Hawksworth and every interaction with them is a source of lime-juice-in-an-open-wound kind of smarting.

And I correspond with them in the most ascorbic of English whit to no avail.
My latest "letter" - although it's more of a ranting vent - curses the fanciful increases in management fees and I fear the proverbial seed will fall on barren ground.

Here's what I said ( I do hope it was not only clear, but scathingly abrupt to jolt them into action) :
-----------------------


Pam,

I trust you are doing well since our last exchange.  There was one item left unanswered and now it's raised its irrepressible head again.

It was the question of email correspondence.

I asked if I must request each time a letter is sent to my parents to have that sent by email - which in all logical sense defeats the object of email communication.
But since the "papyrus" has once again thudded against the lobby mat of my parents' house, I feel compelled to ask the question a second time.

Why, oh why, in 2010 can I not have my (sometimes extortionate - and more on this anon) demands requested of me by email directly without the archaic apology for interaction that is Royal Mail being deployed so religiously?

My second intriguing question is on your increase (yet again) in charges.
Some points to answer please:

a.  What was the nature of the fire?  I did not see any other communication on this from either yourselves or my agent.  Shouldn't we sue someone?
b.  7% is abominable in these times of austerity - indeed I said this last time and my words fell upon deaf ears.  Please comment.
c.  Did no-one else complain at this Alice-in-wonderland kind of increase?  If so, what is being done to address the communal concerns about annual above-inflation increases?
d.  I find it incredulous that you "look[...] forward to receiving prompt payment" and then wish us a "Happy Christmas" when all we have to "look forward" to is more outlay.  No need to comment on this point.

I, equally and impatiently look forward to *your* prompt reply.

Disappointedly, again,

Darren

Agents and their egos

I love telling you all about my letters I write.
I recently had missed a notification of some management charges for an apartment, that Baxter and I own in the UK.

I pleaded with them to waive the charges as getting mail to Singapore can be a tad challenging and also to jolt themselves into the 21st century and perhaps adopt email as a means of notifying owners of their liabilities.

Below is the reply from the company and my answer....hope you enjoy my not-so-subtle sarcasm - I'm sure it's bloody well lost on Pam Dhillon.!!!!

__________________________________________

---

From: Pam Dhillon
To: darrenfrommaryport@yahoo.co.uk
Sent: Tue, 16 November, 2010 17:11:47
Subject: Service Charge

Good morning

Thank you for your email, I can confirm that the charges cannot be waived, I did request this to my MD.

We will send demands to the address provided by yourself.

Kind Regards   

Pam Dhillon Senior Property Manager HML Hawksworth Ltd Gillingham House 38 - 44 Gillingham Street London SW1V 1HU Tel: 020 7802 0000   Fax: 020 7802 0001 Email: info@hmlhawksworth.com   Web: www.hmlhawksworth.com

MY REPLY:

Pam, I should thank you for your email - even though I had to chase. I'm disappointed (yet again) at HML's intransigence and inflexibility towards overseas landlords who need to be made aware much more in advance than UK-residing owners. When you say "cannot", I believe your MD and HML actually mean "won't".  Thanks for not-a-lot. BIG SIGH. Anyway, I won't get anywhere with such a rules-driven, non-customer-friendly organisation - will I?!!?  Unless, you're going to prove me wrong....could you!?!? Finally, please confirm when you say "address" you mean email address as requested.  I have to ask clarification on so many points. Thank you in advance, Darren - disgruntled and deflated.   Tel: +65 6501 9808 - work / +65 98717903 mobile

Is lining up for so long really worth £80?

Leaving the UK, is always bitter sweet.

It's nice to get away - there are so many things that really are quite annoying.  Some of my betes-noires include: unfriendly underground staff, strikes, 12.5% service charge on just about everything and chip and bloody pin...!

[On an aside about service charges; it feels like you're charged a service fee for even sneezing.  When I checked out of my hotel two days ago (very nice hotel, I must admit: Ten Manchester, near Baker Street) I noticed 4 service charges for £3.56 each and queried them.  I was politely informed it was a "service charge" for each of my night's rates - calculated at 3% but I wasn't "obliged to pay" and it was completely "discretionary".  Well I was relived for the chance to opt out.  We compromised: I paid for 3 nights and since I didn't want any loose change rattling in my pocket, she took off one night's fee and kept the difference.  What a pollaver (sic)!]

And on the flip side, I know there are many things I will immediately miss.  Didn't even get to scoff down my beloved fish and chips this time.  Not to mention a good curry in the West End.  The opera (which I did manage to sample this time) is always lamented when I leave Britain and I do miss the seasons (despite the drizzle) immensely.

That said, one big advantage of living outside the EU, is being able to claim your VAT (value added tax) back - well most of it.

I had planned well in advance of this little trip to London (actually to help a good friend celebrate her 40th birthday) and knew I'd be swiping the credit card with vigour all weekend.  So when I lurched into terminal 3 at Heathrow, I headed straight for the VAT-back counter.  Dismayed by the length, yet motivated by the lure of £80 back in my pocket - as opposed in the coffers of a "needy" exchequer - I took my place in a very long line.

It amazes me every time I subject myself to this torture how many stupid people don't read the instructions, don't sign their forms, don't have all the paperwork ready, don't know the different refund methods etc. etc.  Everyone stands patiently in line with no management of types of claim, quantity or eye on accuracy of completion.  Some facile observations on my part, I think would speed up the process for most people - and even may help the morons who can't follow instructions (in FOUR key languages, I might add).

1.  I've noticed at certain airport passport control for example, and at my local mobile waiting area (intermittently) they have what I would call "checkers".  These folk scurry up and down the queue checking that all the documentation is in order.  This would save invaluable time at the actual counter and allow for one of the behind-the-counter staff to double up as a checker - no extra manpower needed.

2.  Adding a filter based on the number of claim forms would also help.  This would be like the 5 items and less checkout counters we see at supermarkets.  Again, no need for extra staff: just a dedicated "fast track" line for let's say less than 3 forms.

3.  Finally, a more radical option would be to offer a super-fast track line - where travelers could choose to forfeit, say, £5 from the total refunded to have their forms processed with priority.  We can pay for speeded up service in virtually all other walks of life - why not here?!  I actually saw at least 3 passengers either leave the queue seeing it was taking too long, or didn't even both to join it in the first place.

I've no truly validated view on how much processing time the above measures would save, but having stood in the line for 1 hour, with approximately 24 people processed before me and 4 tellers on the counters even if this managed save 25% of the average processing time (reducing from 8.25 passengers per hour to about 6.3 per hour) I would have zipped through the VAT back process in approximately 36 minutes.  Almost halving my pain-time...!

Still, at the end of the day I was queuing to get my £80 back - and that I did.

Mind you, I always thought I was worth a lot more than 80 quid and hour....!  Funny how airports are a great leveler.

Manila - a surprise or two

Manila might not be on your list of top haunts.
But perhaps you should re-consider.

I've had some hilarious and thought-provoking trips there recently.

My first way back in June was for an Expo with work and while I didn't really see anything of cultural significance I was serenaded by a Marriachi band at a 2nd rate eatery.  It was quite earie - you know, when you're the only gringo and you are just waiting for them to come to you as an unfamilar face, expecting a tip larger than the average man's daily wage.  Table by table they got closer and closer; I was getting ever more nervous of the etiquette of such a situation.

Anyway, the unavoidable materialised and they plonked themselves (a bassist, guitarist and female vocalist) in front of our table expectant and eager.  They started with some nondescript muzzak from the 50s and then to my wonderment, asked if I had any requests.  I must say I was stumped for a while.  Seeing the creasing on my perplexed brow, the female of the group trumped up with: "We can do anything you like - even Lady Gaga."  The Gaga herself, rendered humble and lowly by a itinerant troupe in a Manila buffet restaurant - well that I had to hear.  I took a long breath in and suggested they try Papparazzi to test their mettle.

I had to pause scoffing my roast pork with boiled pork on the side (with an extra dollop of fried pork for good measure on a separate plate); the effect was stunning.  Convincing they were; tuneful they were; and they startled me with an acapella version of such a digitally-laden track, that really was impressive.  Never judge a book, I suppose...and this musical book deserved the 100 peso tip they got for making me smile ear to ear.

Who'd have thougt it in such ordinary surroundings.  Not sure who should be more suitably lauded: Lady Gaga for creating such malleable music or the wandering waifs who whistled their way through a challenging club anthem with nonchalant ease.  Great stuff.....!

More Manila mania next time.

Recent complaint to the Singapore bus company SMRT

This is a copy of a complaint letter I just sent to SMRT in Singapore about their erratic and dangerous driving on one of the routes (56).  Happy reading - if they deign to respond, I will let you know ;-)

--------------------------------

Dear SMRT,

I couldn’t find a feedback page on your website so am mailing you directly.

I recently travelled on the number 56 from Thompson Road to Toa Payoh.

It was one of the most erratic driving experiences I’ve had since moving to Singapore 7 years ago.

Route: 56 between Thompson Road and Toa Payoh, Jackson Square.

Date: 16^th September

Time: 11am

Bus registration: 8397

a.       First of all, when I boarded there was a woman running to catch the bus behind me so boarded slowly and indicated to the driver someone was running to catch it.  He had already started to close the doors and they part-closed on me, hitting my shoulder.

b.      Overall the driving was jerky and inconsiderate to the passengers.

c.       He approached bus stops far too quickly and then the required braking meant passengers were flung around inside the bus.

d.      Several elderly passengers almost lost their footing.

e.      Even sitting down, the swerves and heavy braking meant one was constantly grabbing handrails to prevent one’s self from being flung to the floor.

Please pursue this with the driver concerned.

There was no point raising this with him during the journey as even when I complained about the closing door banging against my shoulder, he looked straight though me as if I’d crawled from under a stone.

Yours disappointedly – and slightly bruised.

Darren

---------------------------