Is lining up for so long really worth £80?

Leaving the UK, is always bitter sweet.

It's nice to get away - there are so many things that really are quite annoying.  Some of my betes-noires include: unfriendly underground staff, strikes, 12.5% service charge on just about everything and chip and bloody pin...!

[On an aside about service charges; it feels like you're charged a service fee for even sneezing.  When I checked out of my hotel two days ago (very nice hotel, I must admit: Ten Manchester, near Baker Street) I noticed 4 service charges for £3.56 each and queried them.  I was politely informed it was a "service charge" for each of my night's rates - calculated at 3% but I wasn't "obliged to pay" and it was completely "discretionary".  Well I was relived for the chance to opt out.  We compromised: I paid for 3 nights and since I didn't want any loose change rattling in my pocket, she took off one night's fee and kept the difference.  What a pollaver (sic)!]

And on the flip side, I know there are many things I will immediately miss.  Didn't even get to scoff down my beloved fish and chips this time.  Not to mention a good curry in the West End.  The opera (which I did manage to sample this time) is always lamented when I leave Britain and I do miss the seasons (despite the drizzle) immensely.

That said, one big advantage of living outside the EU, is being able to claim your VAT (value added tax) back - well most of it.

I had planned well in advance of this little trip to London (actually to help a good friend celebrate her 40th birthday) and knew I'd be swiping the credit card with vigour all weekend.  So when I lurched into terminal 3 at Heathrow, I headed straight for the VAT-back counter.  Dismayed by the length, yet motivated by the lure of £80 back in my pocket - as opposed in the coffers of a "needy" exchequer - I took my place in a very long line.

It amazes me every time I subject myself to this torture how many stupid people don't read the instructions, don't sign their forms, don't have all the paperwork ready, don't know the different refund methods etc. etc.  Everyone stands patiently in line with no management of types of claim, quantity or eye on accuracy of completion.  Some facile observations on my part, I think would speed up the process for most people - and even may help the morons who can't follow instructions (in FOUR key languages, I might add).

1.  I've noticed at certain airport passport control for example, and at my local mobile waiting area (intermittently) they have what I would call "checkers".  These folk scurry up and down the queue checking that all the documentation is in order.  This would save invaluable time at the actual counter and allow for one of the behind-the-counter staff to double up as a checker - no extra manpower needed.

2.  Adding a filter based on the number of claim forms would also help.  This would be like the 5 items and less checkout counters we see at supermarkets.  Again, no need for extra staff: just a dedicated "fast track" line for let's say less than 3 forms.

3.  Finally, a more radical option would be to offer a super-fast track line - where travelers could choose to forfeit, say, £5 from the total refunded to have their forms processed with priority.  We can pay for speeded up service in virtually all other walks of life - why not here?!  I actually saw at least 3 passengers either leave the queue seeing it was taking too long, or didn't even both to join it in the first place.

I've no truly validated view on how much processing time the above measures would save, but having stood in the line for 1 hour, with approximately 24 people processed before me and 4 tellers on the counters even if this managed save 25% of the average processing time (reducing from 8.25 passengers per hour to about 6.3 per hour) I would have zipped through the VAT back process in approximately 36 minutes.  Almost halving my pain-time...!

Still, at the end of the day I was queuing to get my £80 back - and that I did.

Mind you, I always thought I was worth a lot more than 80 quid and hour....!  Funny how airports are a great leveler.