I've been holed up over the last couple of days with a relatively mild bout of flu.
And while (naturally) I've been convalescing, there is always energy to type a few search mnemonics to keep the mind occupied.
I was thus tempted and ultimately intrigued to find some delightful memories of my teenage years and before on YouTube. Do you remember Spitting Image? I was once again engrossed in the lampooning of everyone from Margaret Thatcher, Neil Kinnock and Emelda Marcos, to some of the perhaps less offensive faces from the 80s, including Andrew Lloyd Webber and Desmond Tutu.
I smiled to hear the Chicken Song and equally nostalgic about I've Never Met a Nice South African. They were great skits indeed.
Another childhood memory was stirred by The Black and White Minstrels.
This was a classic BBC masterpiece that ironically had white men black themselves up and then serenade white women. All kinds of dancing and singing had white girls fawning and ultimately (symbolically of course) fornicating with the boot-polish clad young white/black men.
Forget the PC-vomiting middle classes' views on this - I find it great forward-ahead-of-its-time support for inter-racial relationships - or am I being a tad myopically revisionist?! No replies needed on that - my tongue if firmly wedged in my cheek.
Will leave you with a single link and you can YouTube search the rest. This link combines the above two memories with a splendid rendition of the Black and White Minstrels as the South African Apartheid government of PW Botha and nicely-done white on white mocking of the regime back then.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_eSUQgLZXg
And remember only a few days left til Christmas...mine certainly won't be white - but I'm hoping it won't be too black either. Keeping my chin up.
Keep yours up too.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
Management fees? Agentic forces amok....
I have the grave misfortune to have one of my properties managed by a company called HML Hawksworth and every interaction with them is a source of lime-juice-in-an-open-wound kind of smarting.
And I correspond with them in the most ascorbic of English whit to no avail.
My latest "letter" - although it's more of a ranting vent - curses the fanciful increases in management fees and I fear the proverbial seed will fall on barren ground.
Here's what I said ( I do hope it was not only clear, but scathingly abrupt to jolt them into action) :
-----------------------
Pam,
I trust you are doing well since our last exchange. There was one item left unanswered and now it's raised its irrepressible head again.
It was the question of email correspondence.
I asked if I must request each time a letter is sent to my parents to have that sent by email - which in all logical sense defeats the object of email communication.
But since the "papyrus" has once again thudded against the lobby mat of my parents' house, I feel compelled to ask the question a second time.
Why, oh why, in 2010 can I not have my (sometimes extortionate - and more on this anon) demands requested of me by email directly without the archaic apology for interaction that is Royal Mail being deployed so religiously?
My second intriguing question is on your increase (yet again) in charges.
Some points to answer please:
a. What was the nature of the fire? I did not see any other communication on this from either yourselves or my agent. Shouldn't we sue someone?
b. 7% is abominable in these times of austerity - indeed I said this last time and my words fell upon deaf ears. Please comment.
c. Did no-one else complain at this Alice-in-wonderland kind of increase? If so, what is being done to address the communal concerns about annual above-inflation increases?
d. I find it incredulous that you "look[...] forward to receiving prompt payment" and then wish us a "Happy Christmas" when all we have to "look forward" to is more outlay. No need to comment on this point.
I, equally and impatiently look forward to *your* prompt reply.
Disappointedly, again,
Darren
And I correspond with them in the most ascorbic of English whit to no avail.
My latest "letter" - although it's more of a ranting vent - curses the fanciful increases in management fees and I fear the proverbial seed will fall on barren ground.
Here's what I said ( I do hope it was not only clear, but scathingly abrupt to jolt them into action) :
-----------------------
Pam,
I trust you are doing well since our last exchange. There was one item left unanswered and now it's raised its irrepressible head again.
It was the question of email correspondence.
I asked if I must request each time a letter is sent to my parents to have that sent by email - which in all logical sense defeats the object of email communication.
But since the "papyrus" has once again thudded against the lobby mat of my parents' house, I feel compelled to ask the question a second time.
Why, oh why, in 2010 can I not have my (sometimes extortionate - and more on this anon) demands requested of me by email directly without the archaic apology for interaction that is Royal Mail being deployed so religiously?
My second intriguing question is on your increase (yet again) in charges.
Some points to answer please:
a. What was the nature of the fire? I did not see any other communication on this from either yourselves or my agent. Shouldn't we sue someone?
b. 7% is abominable in these times of austerity - indeed I said this last time and my words fell upon deaf ears. Please comment.
c. Did no-one else complain at this Alice-in-wonderland kind of increase? If so, what is being done to address the communal concerns about annual above-inflation increases?
d. I find it incredulous that you "look[...] forward to receiving prompt payment" and then wish us a "Happy Christmas" when all we have to "look forward" to is more outlay. No need to comment on this point.
I, equally and impatiently look forward to *your* prompt reply.
Disappointedly, again,
Darren
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Agents and their egos
I love telling you all about my letters I write.
I recently had missed a notification of some management charges for an apartment, that Baxter and I own in the UK.
I pleaded with them to waive the charges as getting mail to Singapore can be a tad challenging and also to jolt themselves into the 21st century and perhaps adopt email as a means of notifying owners of their liabilities.
Below is the reply from the company and my answer....hope you enjoy my not-so-subtle sarcasm - I'm sure it's bloody well lost on Pam Dhillon.!!!!
__________________________________________
From: Pam Dhillon
To: darrenfrommaryport@yahoo.co.uk
Sent: Tue, 16 November, 2010 17:11:47
Subject: Service Charge
I recently had missed a notification of some management charges for an apartment, that Baxter and I own in the UK.
I pleaded with them to waive the charges as getting mail to Singapore can be a tad challenging and also to jolt themselves into the 21st century and perhaps adopt email as a means of notifying owners of their liabilities.
Below is the reply from the company and my answer....hope you enjoy my not-so-subtle sarcasm - I'm sure it's bloody well lost on Pam Dhillon.!!!!
__________________________________________
From: Pam Dhillon
To: darrenfrommaryport@yahoo.co.uk
Sent: Tue, 16 November, 2010 17:11:47
Subject: Service Charge
Good morning
Thank you for your email, I can confirm that the charges cannot be waived, I did request this to my MD.
We will send demands to the address provided by yourself.
Kind Regards
| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| MY REPLY: | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Is lining up for so long really worth £80?
Leaving the UK, is always bitter sweet.
It's nice to get away - there are so many things that really are quite annoying. Some of my betes-noires include: unfriendly underground staff, strikes, 12.5% service charge on just about everything and chip and bloody pin...!
[On an aside about service charges; it feels like you're charged a service fee for even sneezing. When I checked out of my hotel two days ago (very nice hotel, I must admit: Ten Manchester, near Baker Street) I noticed 4 service charges for £3.56 each and queried them. I was politely informed it was a "service charge" for each of my night's rates - calculated at 3% but I wasn't "obliged to pay" and it was completely "discretionary". Well I was relived for the chance to opt out. We compromised: I paid for 3 nights and since I didn't want any loose change rattling in my pocket, she took off one night's fee and kept the difference. What a pollaver (sic)!]
And on the flip side, I know there are many things I will immediately miss. Didn't even get to scoff down my beloved fish and chips this time. Not to mention a good curry in the West End. The opera (which I did manage to sample this time) is always lamented when I leave Britain and I do miss the seasons (despite the drizzle) immensely.
That said, one big advantage of living outside the EU, is being able to claim your VAT (value added tax) back - well most of it.
I had planned well in advance of this little trip to London (actually to help a good friend celebrate her 40th birthday) and knew I'd be swiping the credit card with vigour all weekend. So when I lurched into terminal 3 at Heathrow, I headed straight for the VAT-back counter. Dismayed by the length, yet motivated by the lure of £80 back in my pocket - as opposed in the coffers of a "needy" exchequer - I took my place in a very long line.
It amazes me every time I subject myself to this torture how many stupid people don't read the instructions, don't sign their forms, don't have all the paperwork ready, don't know the different refund methods etc. etc. Everyone stands patiently in line with no management of types of claim, quantity or eye on accuracy of completion. Some facile observations on my part, I think would speed up the process for most people - and even may help the morons who can't follow instructions (in FOUR key languages, I might add).
1. I've noticed at certain airport passport control for example, and at my local mobile waiting area (intermittently) they have what I would call "checkers". These folk scurry up and down the queue checking that all the documentation is in order. This would save invaluable time at the actual counter and allow for one of the behind-the-counter staff to double up as a checker - no extra manpower needed.
2. Adding a filter based on the number of claim forms would also help. This would be like the 5 items and less checkout counters we see at supermarkets. Again, no need for extra staff: just a dedicated "fast track" line for let's say less than 3 forms.
3. Finally, a more radical option would be to offer a super-fast track line - where travelers could choose to forfeit, say, £5 from the total refunded to have their forms processed with priority. We can pay for speeded up service in virtually all other walks of life - why not here?! I actually saw at least 3 passengers either leave the queue seeing it was taking too long, or didn't even both to join it in the first place.
I've no truly validated view on how much processing time the above measures would save, but having stood in the line for 1 hour, with approximately 24 people processed before me and 4 tellers on the counters even if this managed save 25% of the average processing time (reducing from 8.25 passengers per hour to about 6.3 per hour) I would have zipped through the VAT back process in approximately 36 minutes. Almost halving my pain-time...!
Still, at the end of the day I was queuing to get my £80 back - and that I did.
Mind you, I always thought I was worth a lot more than 80 quid and hour....! Funny how airports are a great leveler.
It's nice to get away - there are so many things that really are quite annoying. Some of my betes-noires include: unfriendly underground staff, strikes, 12.5% service charge on just about everything and chip and bloody pin...!
[On an aside about service charges; it feels like you're charged a service fee for even sneezing. When I checked out of my hotel two days ago (very nice hotel, I must admit: Ten Manchester, near Baker Street) I noticed 4 service charges for £3.56 each and queried them. I was politely informed it was a "service charge" for each of my night's rates - calculated at 3% but I wasn't "obliged to pay" and it was completely "discretionary". Well I was relived for the chance to opt out. We compromised: I paid for 3 nights and since I didn't want any loose change rattling in my pocket, she took off one night's fee and kept the difference. What a pollaver (sic)!]
And on the flip side, I know there are many things I will immediately miss. Didn't even get to scoff down my beloved fish and chips this time. Not to mention a good curry in the West End. The opera (which I did manage to sample this time) is always lamented when I leave Britain and I do miss the seasons (despite the drizzle) immensely.
That said, one big advantage of living outside the EU, is being able to claim your VAT (value added tax) back - well most of it.
I had planned well in advance of this little trip to London (actually to help a good friend celebrate her 40th birthday) and knew I'd be swiping the credit card with vigour all weekend. So when I lurched into terminal 3 at Heathrow, I headed straight for the VAT-back counter. Dismayed by the length, yet motivated by the lure of £80 back in my pocket - as opposed in the coffers of a "needy" exchequer - I took my place in a very long line.
It amazes me every time I subject myself to this torture how many stupid people don't read the instructions, don't sign their forms, don't have all the paperwork ready, don't know the different refund methods etc. etc. Everyone stands patiently in line with no management of types of claim, quantity or eye on accuracy of completion. Some facile observations on my part, I think would speed up the process for most people - and even may help the morons who can't follow instructions (in FOUR key languages, I might add).
1. I've noticed at certain airport passport control for example, and at my local mobile waiting area (intermittently) they have what I would call "checkers". These folk scurry up and down the queue checking that all the documentation is in order. This would save invaluable time at the actual counter and allow for one of the behind-the-counter staff to double up as a checker - no extra manpower needed.
2. Adding a filter based on the number of claim forms would also help. This would be like the 5 items and less checkout counters we see at supermarkets. Again, no need for extra staff: just a dedicated "fast track" line for let's say less than 3 forms.
3. Finally, a more radical option would be to offer a super-fast track line - where travelers could choose to forfeit, say, £5 from the total refunded to have their forms processed with priority. We can pay for speeded up service in virtually all other walks of life - why not here?! I actually saw at least 3 passengers either leave the queue seeing it was taking too long, or didn't even both to join it in the first place.
I've no truly validated view on how much processing time the above measures would save, but having stood in the line for 1 hour, with approximately 24 people processed before me and 4 tellers on the counters even if this managed save 25% of the average processing time (reducing from 8.25 passengers per hour to about 6.3 per hour) I would have zipped through the VAT back process in approximately 36 minutes. Almost halving my pain-time...!
Still, at the end of the day I was queuing to get my £80 back - and that I did.
Mind you, I always thought I was worth a lot more than 80 quid and hour....! Funny how airports are a great leveler.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Manila - a surprise or two
Manila might not be on your list of top haunts.
But perhaps you should re-consider.
I've had some hilarious and thought-provoking trips there recently.
My first way back in June was for an Expo with work and while I didn't really see anything of cultural significance I was serenaded by a Marriachi band at a 2nd rate eatery. It was quite earie - you know, when you're the only gringo and you are just waiting for them to come to you as an unfamilar face, expecting a tip larger than the average man's daily wage. Table by table they got closer and closer; I was getting ever more nervous of the etiquette of such a situation.
Anyway, the unavoidable materialised and they plonked themselves (a bassist, guitarist and female vocalist) in front of our table expectant and eager. They started with some nondescript muzzak from the 50s and then to my wonderment, asked if I had any requests. I must say I was stumped for a while. Seeing the creasing on my perplexed brow, the female of the group trumped up with: "We can do anything you like - even Lady Gaga." The Gaga herself, rendered humble and lowly by a itinerant troupe in a Manila buffet restaurant - well that I had to hear. I took a long breath in and suggested they try Papparazzi to test their mettle.
I had to pause scoffing my roast pork with boiled pork on the side (with an extra dollop of fried pork for good measure on a separate plate); the effect was stunning. Convincing they were; tuneful they were; and they startled me with an acapella version of such a digitally-laden track, that really was impressive. Never judge a book, I suppose...and this musical book deserved the 100 peso tip they got for making me smile ear to ear.
Who'd have thougt it in such ordinary surroundings. Not sure who should be more suitably lauded: Lady Gaga for creating such malleable music or the wandering waifs who whistled their way through a challenging club anthem with nonchalant ease. Great stuff.....!
More Manila mania next time.
But perhaps you should re-consider.
I've had some hilarious and thought-provoking trips there recently.
My first way back in June was for an Expo with work and while I didn't really see anything of cultural significance I was serenaded by a Marriachi band at a 2nd rate eatery. It was quite earie - you know, when you're the only gringo and you are just waiting for them to come to you as an unfamilar face, expecting a tip larger than the average man's daily wage. Table by table they got closer and closer; I was getting ever more nervous of the etiquette of such a situation.
Anyway, the unavoidable materialised and they plonked themselves (a bassist, guitarist and female vocalist) in front of our table expectant and eager. They started with some nondescript muzzak from the 50s and then to my wonderment, asked if I had any requests. I must say I was stumped for a while. Seeing the creasing on my perplexed brow, the female of the group trumped up with: "We can do anything you like - even Lady Gaga." The Gaga herself, rendered humble and lowly by a itinerant troupe in a Manila buffet restaurant - well that I had to hear. I took a long breath in and suggested they try Papparazzi to test their mettle.
I had to pause scoffing my roast pork with boiled pork on the side (with an extra dollop of fried pork for good measure on a separate plate); the effect was stunning. Convincing they were; tuneful they were; and they startled me with an acapella version of such a digitally-laden track, that really was impressive. Never judge a book, I suppose...and this musical book deserved the 100 peso tip they got for making me smile ear to ear.
Who'd have thougt it in such ordinary surroundings. Not sure who should be more suitably lauded: Lady Gaga for creating such malleable music or the wandering waifs who whistled their way through a challenging club anthem with nonchalant ease. Great stuff.....!
More Manila mania next time.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Recent complaint to the Singapore bus company SMRT
This is a copy of a complaint letter I just sent to SMRT in Singapore about their erratic and dangerous driving on one of the routes (56). Happy reading - if they deign to respond, I will let you know ;-)
--------------------------------
---------------------------
--------------------------------
Dear SMRT,
I couldn’t find a feedback page on your website so am mailing you directly.
I recently travelled on the number 56 from Thompson Road to Toa Payoh.
It was one of the most erratic driving experiences I’ve had since moving to Singapore 7 years ago.
Route: 56 between Thompson Road and Toa Payoh, Jackson Square.
Date: 16th September
Time: 11am
Bus registration: 8397
a. First of all, when I boarded there was a woman running to catch the bus behind me so boarded slowly and indicated to the driver someone was running to catch it. He had already started to close the doors and they part-closed on me, hitting my shoulder.
b. Overall the driving was jerky and inconsiderate to the passengers.
c. He approached bus stops far too quickly and then the required braking meant passengers were flung around inside the bus.
d. Several elderly passengers almost lost their footing.
e. Even sitting down, the swerves and heavy braking meant one was constantly grabbing handrails to prevent one’s self from being flung to the floor.
Please pursue this with the driver concerned.
There was no point raising this with him during the journey as even when I complained about the closing door banging against my shoulder, he looked straight though me as if I’d crawled from under a stone.
Yours disappointedly – and slightly bruised.
Darren
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Choosing family members is impossible
Normally, my rants on this blog are travel or customer service oriented, but today I'm going to let off steam about a terrible shortcoming; not of transport networks or customer experience processes, but rather of familial bonds.
We're born into something called a family; I used to think mine was different: calm, stable and honest.
How wrong could a man be?
A short two syllable word started World War III in my family; a war that is still on-going and causing pain and needless anguish. Just the other day a "to-do" kicked off because the next of kin was denied access to his mother.
A storm in a tea cup to some - but a matter of honour for others.
And honour was trampled on when 3 grown-ups - and I use that term incredibly loosely - set upon that same member of the so-called family to chastise him for threatening behaviour.
Oh, for goodness sake - it's like living in a school play ground.
Not knowing which name-calling or bullying will happen next.
Not knowing who's going to slap whom in the face - either verbally or physically.
It's puerile and petty.
And worse still: innocents are caught in the fray.
I won't name individuals here - or hopefully even allude to them too obviously - that would be dragging myself to their level.
Suffice to say, I'm jaded, disappointed, angered, disbelieving, frustrated and jaundiced.
Life goes on...just that my family now is a great deal smaller than when I was born.
Mind you, it's also larger.
What does he mean? I hear you cry...how can it be simultaneously smaller and larger?
Well, they say, every cumulus nimbus has an argentine edge to it.
And my cumulus is no different. I've discovered parts of my family that I never really knew existed and am eternally grateful for this.
What has been erased on one side of the River Ellen has been enhanced on the other.
Thank God for geography. ;-)
We're born into something called a family; I used to think mine was different: calm, stable and honest.
How wrong could a man be?
A short two syllable word started World War III in my family; a war that is still on-going and causing pain and needless anguish. Just the other day a "to-do" kicked off because the next of kin was denied access to his mother.
A storm in a tea cup to some - but a matter of honour for others.
And honour was trampled on when 3 grown-ups - and I use that term incredibly loosely - set upon that same member of the so-called family to chastise him for threatening behaviour.
Oh, for goodness sake - it's like living in a school play ground.
Not knowing which name-calling or bullying will happen next.
Not knowing who's going to slap whom in the face - either verbally or physically.
It's puerile and petty.
And worse still: innocents are caught in the fray.
I won't name individuals here - or hopefully even allude to them too obviously - that would be dragging myself to their level.
Suffice to say, I'm jaded, disappointed, angered, disbelieving, frustrated and jaundiced.
Life goes on...just that my family now is a great deal smaller than when I was born.
Mind you, it's also larger.
What does he mean? I hear you cry...how can it be simultaneously smaller and larger?
Well, they say, every cumulus nimbus has an argentine edge to it.
And my cumulus is no different. I've discovered parts of my family that I never really knew existed and am eternally grateful for this.
What has been erased on one side of the River Ellen has been enhanced on the other.
Thank God for geography. ;-)
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