Oh, not another bank rant

Well I'm afraid to say, yes, here comes yet another bloody bank rant.  This one is about Stanbic, Kenya, who have over the past 8 months treated this customer of theirs with utter contempt and ineptitude.

Am I demanding?  Perhaps.

Am I unreasonable?  Not sure on that one.

Am I illogical?  Well, usually not. 

And on this occasion, you may pour scorn on my drama, but not on my logic.

I shall start by quoting the final email I have just sent my so-called "customer representative".  Then I shall take you all through the sorry sorry tale of my woeful interaction with this excuse for a financial institution.

"Dear N,

I give up.

Your service has been appalling from start to finish.

Inconsistent communication; haphazard processes; and a blatant disregard for customer delight.

I only wanted your card for the air miles – and this aborted process has wasted so much of my time, I probably could have flown around the world in the same time.

You may want to Google my blog to see how my wrath has vibrated into the ether on this travesty of customer interaction.  Then again, you most likely won’t bother.

Yours, where words fail to convey my disappointment,

Darren"

And what drove me to this apoplexy?

About 8 months ago, a Stanbic rep visited my offices after about 1 week when I'd requested more information on their website about the Kenya Airways credit card.  This in itself was rather tardy, but I let it go.  The young man, after taking various piece of personal information from me, advised that I would need THREE month's salary evidence.

What for?  I enquired.  Well as we're told constantly by financial advisers - in the same institutions - that past performance is no guarantee of future upward trends. He was blank as to why his employer would need 3 months salary slips - which prove neither that I will be employed in month four or that I'm a good credit risk.

I duly waited four months and then proceeded to the branch.

This wasn't enough, I obviously needed address proof, a letter from my employer and several other things.

But at least my application was submitted.

At no point was my tax PIN mentioned - a rather innocuous thing in Kenya - but a dreadfully difficult thing to get for an alien such as myself - without bribing some nondescript official.  Needless to say, I haven't done that (yet) - but believe me, it's only a matter of time. But I digress.

So then I get an email (one month on) saying "my" paperwork is out of date and I need to submit my most recent salary information and yet another bank statement.  I'm out of date???  The bank delays and then my paperwork is out of date - I was doing somersaults at this point.  

I resubmit and ask by email for an update - silence.  Deafening silence. Not even the decency to deign me with a reply.

So, storming and stomping, I march (again) into the branch and vent my spleen on a certain customer rep who apparently should have been overseeing my application from the outset buy had been on leave.  Ah well, forgiveness was looming and then I said I was looking forward to an update soon.

Well, the update came and it was tantamount to a red rag to a bull.  I had to re-submit all the required documentation AND my tax PIN - which I don't have.

When I scream blue-murder, I'm brushed off with a nonchalant "I'm sorry, but that's the process, please do feel to contact me or customer services for any other matter".  Hence my diatribe response above.

As I pour myself a glass of red wine (OK my 2nd one) and if you've managed to stave off narcolepsy in reading this far, please do tell me if I'm missing something.

Do tell me if I'm unreasonable.

Do tell me if I'm illogical in my expectations.

What the bank doesn't perhaps realise, is I put all my expenditure, where I can on my credit card and they've lost thousands of dollars of merchant fees.

My next crusade will be to tell Kenya Airways, how their so-called finance partner is turning away loyal flyers and forcing me to collect miles with Star Alliance.

It reminds me of a good friend who once scoffed at SkyTeam (of which Kenya Airways is a member).  Perhaps he was right.  SQ is better than KQ and my futile attempt to harvest thousands of miles on the latter has been thwarted - but I will fly with a better airline and in more comfort.

Perhaps, after all this travail, I should thank Stanbic - more than they could ever comprehend.  

"She's a great way to fly."